Tough LOVE, what is it? How does it work? Why does it work? These questions come to mind whenever I have conversation on the topic. To some, it might seem unorthodox, but in my mind it’s normal. Tough LOVE is how I was raised as a child and then trained as a young adult with the military. Interestingly enough, the people that I do have the conversations with haven’t had the upbringing that I have had or the military training either. Now, is calling out someone’s repetitive malbehavior wrong? Tough LOVE according to Merriam-Websters definition, “love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline) especially to promote responsible behavior”. Does that definition encompass what I define as Tough LOVE? Not really, but we can run with it for the purpose of this blog. I think that as with everything in life there has to be a balance, once that balance is tipped in either direction there is a chance of a consequence. Behaviors are part of who we are, we can have behaviors that promote growth, we can have behaviors that promote stagnation or we can have behaviors that restrict growth. Now, this is where Tough LOVE comes in, let’s understand that LIFE is all about growing. We grow from the first day of conception and we continue to grow physically and mentally throughout the course of our lifetime. What if certain behaviors are hindering you from growing, what should you do? Obviously, you can try to change that behavior, but that’s easier said than done. You see the mind is a powerful supercomputer and one of its purposes is to defend you from the unknown in order to protect and preserve life. It tries to keep you in a safe place, but here’s the kicker, it’s according to what YOU have learned as safe. That’s why many people get stuck in their current state of mindset, it’s safe. The whole purpose of Tough LOVE is to stand up to that status quo that your mind has deemed as safe and challenge it by NOT condoning that behavior that is being detrimental to your growth. You see, it’s the person that’s going to challenge your behavior that’s going to make your mind question it. Tough LOVE provides tools in which you can challenge a person’s ineffective behavior. Calling out their thought process, their actions, or their behaviors gets their mind working in an opposite direction against their status quo. The ones that provide irrational explanations, excuses, etc. are only reinforcing the behavior aligning it with what their mind already perceives as safe. Not only have I seen Tough LOVE work but I am a perfect example of what Tough LOVE has the potential to promote. As with everything in life, moderation and balance is still the motto when using Tough LOVE as a tool to change a behavior to promote growth. The truth hurts especially at that very moment, but living a life that has hindered you from your true potential hurts a lot more.
Below is the story of Kyle Tomlinson, David the judge was harsh to him in his previous audition;
“Well I came couple years ago, and I got told to get a signing teacher”
David showed him some Tough LOVE, Kyle Tomlinson came back to this audition after he worked with a signing teacher (Change in mindset, Change in behavior).
Head up, Eyes Forward
